Vampire and Projection: How to identify people to avoid

psychology
Three rules that indicate whether a person should be avoided

This text first appeared at this point brigitte.de.

Admittedly: I always make up my mind to coldly walk away from people who don’t do me any good. And how many times have you done that? Once only. But no joke: This time (to my surprise) had such a positive impact on my life that I realized I could really take the “avoiding bad people” approach more seriously and continue to implement it more consistently.

The only problem is: How can we know for sure if we should really give up on someone or give them another chance? Because if I get out of my way: I often spoil enough and hurt others without wanting to or intending to. I’d also like to be forgiven and given another chance… So: Here are three rules that can help people avoid mentoring.

Rule 3

Harvard psychologist Martha Stout writes in her book The Sociopath Next Door: “A lie, a broken promise, a neglected responsibility can be a misunderstanding. Two of them are a serious mistake. But three lies, for example, mean we are dealing a liar.” .

That is to say: whoever cheated us three times, quoted three times without a good explanation (and the “emphasis” is not a good explanation), insulted us three times, we must withdraw. Actions speak louder than words. Three hits and out!

drop base

Psychoanalysts (such as Sigmund Freud) use the term “projection” to describe a phenomenon we often call “inference from others”. People assume that others have their own desires, fears, and intentions. Basically, almost all of us do it – all the time, everywhere and above all: without thinking. As we live in front of us, we always see the world from our small perspective. No one is so self-confident and reflective that it’s always obvious to them – hence: projection.

And what does that tell us? Quite simply: if we notice that someone just doesn’t trust us, assumes bad intentions and suspects an attack in every one of our observations, we should be very careful. Because he supposes himself in the first place…

Vampire rule

This rule is mainly about mindfulness and introspection: How do you feel before you contact the person in question? And how then? If a person permanently and fundamentally costs you his strength, then the thing is clear: get out of his way! You should avoid energy vampires because in most cases there is nothing you can do for them.

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